Category: Humor

Will Write For Food: The Freelance Stories of Derrick Ferguson

From the mean streets and crime-ridden boroughs of the modern metropolis to the dusty western wastelands where the only thing more precious than a bullet is a drop of water to soothe a parched throat, Derrick Ferguson takes the reader on journeys as visceral and vivid as a waking dream. Herein find eight stories, written for cash on the barrel to put food on the table. Sail the Seven Seas with Sinbad the Sailor, run headlong into gunfights against overwhelming odds with lawman Bass Reeves, battle against super-villains, and get hard-boiled with two-fisted detective action. Pick your poison. And make it a double.

51ngIBIsmyL

 

“The Undercover Puzzle”
“The Knobloch Collection Assignment”
“Sinbad and The Voyage to The Land of The Frozen Sun”
“Baby Daddy”
“The Ruckerville Arraignment”
“Unto You Is Born…Rayge!”
“A Town Named Affliction”
“The Bixbee Breakout”

Derrick Ferguson Takes Aim At THE AVENGERS: TOO MANY TARGETS

71JJH48G3AL._SX293_BO1,204,203,200_

By John Peel and Dave Rogers

Mass Market Paperback: 224 pages

Publisher: Tor Books; 1st edition (June 15, 1998)

ISBN-10: 0812589092

ISBN-13: 978-0812589092

Mention The Avengers to your average Joe or Jane Punchclock and they’ll most likely assume that you must be talking about the blockbuster movies featuring a team of Marvel superheroes. And they’re right. But there’s another team of Avengers that has just as loyal following as those other Avengers ever since the 1960’s. The British TV series THE AVENGERS starred Patrick Macnee as John Steed. Originally, he wasn’t the main character. That was Dr. David Keel played by Ian Hendry. THE AVENGERS started out as pretty much a straight up crime drama but that changed once Steed became the main character and was partnered up with a succession of beautiful assistants. Women whose names soon became legendary due to their intelligence, sophistication, style, talents and abilities that made them easily as equal as their male partner out in the field. Cathy Gale (Honor Blackman) Emma Peel (Diana Rigg) and Tara King (Linda Thorson) worked with Steed for a shadowy branch of the British Secret Service (given the name of “The Ministry” in the disastrous 1998 movie) combating enemies that became more bizarre the longer the series ran.

Robotics, time travel, mind control, invisibility, super computers wanting to take over the world, The Hellfire Club (a concept borrowed for Marvel Comics “X-Men” series) mad scientists…THE AVENGERS had all that and more, incorporating elements of science fiction, satire, parody, droll British wit flavored with eccentricity into an entertaining one hour package that ran from 1961 to 1969. There also was “The New Avengers” which ran from 1976 to 1977 that saw John Steed with two new partners played by Joanna Lumley and Gareth Hunt.

We won’t talk about the movie, okay with you?

But what I would like to talk about is THE AVENGERS: TOO MANY TARGETS. Judging from the date I’m assuming it was published to compliment the feature film. One has to wonder why there wasn’t a proper movie tie-in novelization but in this case I’m glad there wasn’t. THE AVENGERS: TOO MANY TARGETS is just fine the way it is.  It’s not a masterpiece and it’s not a book that I insist that you actually have to read but if you’re a long-time fan of the series then you’ll have a good time with this.

Somebody is going around killing agents of The Ministry. Somebody that looks a whole lot like John Steed. And he’s not a fake. Thanks to computerized voice analysis there can be no doubt. It actually is Steed. And considering his knowledge and experience, a rogue Steed is the greatest threat imaginable to British Intelligence. A reluctant Tara King is giving the assignment to eliminate him.

But while this is going on, Steed is contacted by a retired colleague who gives Steed a special assignment that comes right from The Prime Minister himself: Steed’s superior, codenamed ‘Mother’ has apparently gone rogue and is killing his own agents. Steed is given the assignment to eliminate him.

Now believe it or not, this all ties in with a wild gorilla roaming the English countryside being hunted by Cathy Gale and Dr. David Keel’s investigation into a lethal plague rampaging through the African nation of Katawa. All of these diverse threads lead everybody to Knight Industries, owned and run by Mrs. Emma Peel as apparently Knight Industries is the new birthplace of the deadliest foes The Avengers ever faced: The Cybernauts. Before, Steed and Mrs. Peel barely survived their encounters with the murderous robots. Now they have to face a new generation of Cybernauts that are faster, smarter and more powerful than their predecessors. Even with Dr. Keel, Cathy Gale and Tara King on their side, can they once again defeat the insane genius who has given The Cybernauts new life and save the world?

I trust you see the main attraction this book had for me. For the first time, Steed is working with all his former partners on the same case. There are a couple of others that don’t appear here such as the nightclub singer Venus Smith and Dr. Martin King but they only appeared in a handful of episodes each and they’re nowhere nearly as well known. A lot of the enjoyment I got out of the story was seeing how Steed’s partners interacted and worked together. Tara King isn’t very happy about Mrs. Peel so obviously enjoying the adventure and working with Steed again. Dr. Keel and Cathy Gale discover that they’re quite the formidable team of brains and brawn. And it’s downright comforting and touching to see that Steed seems to be taking an almost fatherly pride in the way his former partners mesh their talents and skills together.

And I also liked how the book is set in period. There’s a part where Mrs. Peel and Tara are talking and Mrs. Peel makes a reference that it’s been a year since she and Steed’s partnership ended. So apparently Steed and Tara managed to get that spaceship they accidentally flew off in at the end of the final episode back to Earth. Being set in period gives the writers a chance to have fun with the technology, terminology and British eccentricity of the 1960’s. It’s also pretty funny at times, especially the scene where a poor Russian agent is harassed by one Avenger after another, all looking for information on Steed’s whereabouts. It’s also appropriately bizarre in the scenes where Cathy Gale battles a gorilla and where Steed and Mrs. Peel have to fight off Cybernauts disguised as flying stone angels in a graveyard.

So, should you read THE AVENGERS: TOO MANY TARGETS? Like I said, if you liked the TV series and you’re a fan then I don’t see why you wouldn’t want to. It’s a light, breezy read and the characterizations of Steed, Mrs. Peel and Tara are as I remember them. And even though I’m not familiar with Cathy or Dr. Keel, the writers sold me on them being worthy partners of Steed and just as deserving to be called Avengers. Well-written action scenes and you can’t beat a cyborg Neo-Nazi mad scientist with an army of killer robots as bad guys. It’s a fun read.

 

 

 

 

Kickin’ The Willy Bobo With…RAYMOND EMBRACK

Derrick Ferguson: Since it’s been three years and eight months since I last interviewed you we have to refresh people’s memories. Who is Raymond Embrack? Where do you live and what do you do to keep the bill collectors away?

Raymond Embrack: A member of Usimi Dero. Los Angeles. Haven’t kept them away yet. Have taken up day trading as my new art form.

img118

DF: Any major changes in your life since we last talked?

RE: Retired from close to doing 20 in L.A. County. Soon to move back to Washington DC.

DF: Last time I interviewed you I asked you if there was an audience for Raymond Embrack. Have they found you or have you found them?

RE: The weirdness has been out there long enough an audience is actually finding me, almost a following today. Mostly younger, a mix of exiles and hipsters. Who thought I would wind up the Jeff Goldblum of nobodies?

DF: How do you feel you’ve grown and developed as a writer in the past three years?

RE: Since Kindle Create I do all parts of production, plus design my covers.

DF: How has your attitude about your work in particular and writing in general changed or modified?

RE: I ended the intent to make book sales. I cut half my book catalog, now only write my desert island catalog of only Surf product. Turns out I only like writing Surf.

DF: Update us on Peter Surf. First off, for the folks who don’t know who Peter Surf is, tell us about him.

RE: Peter Surf is my private eye series private eye since 1996. His name comes from the music in Pulp Fiction. First published 2000. Operates in west coast Blonde City, the city Trump would build with Madonna. Surf is in part composed of Derek Flint, Hunter S. Thompson, John Shaft, Chris Rock. He runs a dojo to meet women, invents martial arts like Aztec Karate. He specializes in unusual dangerous and difficult cases, never does missing persons cases because most PI novels are missing persons cases.

DIE LIKE A STAR

DF: Where is Peter Surf going as a character and what are your future plans for him?

RE: Perfecting the swagger this began with.

GUNZO

DF: What else are you working on now?

RE: Nothing. For now less writing, more reality.

DF: What is the one book of yours you would recommend to someone to start with? And why that book?

RE: Pick the description you find hottest, work your way to the coolest. Or vice versa.

15039538_1113738458747641_1283854962893416591_o

DF: What keeps you motivated to continue to write?

RE: My aspiration to build a series of at least 20 dope Peter Surf units, a collection of WTF? to one day gaze upon with chill self-gratification.

DF: Drop some much needed Words of Wisdom on all the young aspiring writers reading this that are thirsting for knowledge.

RE: Only write what you love most. Be your own favorite writer.

DF: What’s a typical Day In The Life of Raymond Embrack like?

RE: Day trading from a desktop, earning more, losing less, learning by doing, writing my own textbook as I go. Each person has to write their own textbook. Night, that’s another question….

Derrick Ferguson: Anything else we need to know?

Raymond Embrack: No

SURF FROZEN DINNER.jpg

Raymond Embrack’s Amazon Page

Derrick Ferguson Owes SMOOTHEN SILKY: DEMON FIGHTING PIMP Twenty Dollars

29573263_163644057630579_6473927491803544878_n

I’m going to be straight up and honest here. Whenever I hear about a movie or a book being described as “Pulp” or “Grindhouse” or being in the tradition of those genres, I kinda tend to roll my eyes and give out with a little groan. Because usually they end up being a disappointment. They do. Most people who think they know what Grindhouse is actually have no idea. They think it’s just a lot of crazy shit happening and a bunch of wacky characters that it’s happening to. Quentin Tarantino and Robert Rodriguez understand Grindhouse. Joe R. Lansdale understands Grindhouse. Robert R. McCammon understands Grindhouse. Mike Baron understands Grindhouse. They speak the language and understand the elements that go into Grindhouse backwards and forwards. And so does Derek Slaton.

SMOOTHEN SILKY: DEMON FIGHTING PIMP is such an entertaining piece of Grindhouse/Pulp Fiction that I hardly know where to being to describe it. First of all, if the title doesn’t grab you then go on back to your Jane Austin and leave this one alone. But if you’re a fan of 1970s/1980s Grindhouse Movies then you’re definitely the audience for this one. You’ll know exactly where Mr. Mason draws his influences from and you’ll go along for the ride.

Smoothen Silky is not just a Pimp. He is The Pimp of All Pimps. And he’s got a holy mission to protect humanity from the demon hordes that would conquer mankind. In Derek Slaton’s universe, demons don’t want to destroy humanity. If they did that then who would they have to torment and exploit? The ambitions of the demons in this universe are much more base and carnal. And then who better to combat them than The Pimp of All Pimps and his A-Team of Ho’s? Most of them have the benefits of higher education since Silky insists on it. He not only has the finest ho’s in the world, they’re also the smartest, easily equal in brain power and skills to Doc Savage’s Iron Crew or Buckaroo Banzai’s Hong Kong Cavaliers. But with way more to offer in other areas. If you know what I mean (nudge nudge wink wink)

Silky works for The Agency, an organization devoted to battling demon incursions and along with veteran agent Rose and rookie agent Kerr he and his A-Team of Ho’s find themselves up against their greatest challenge; to prevent The Princess, a demon Beauty Queen from performing a mystical ritual that will bring back to our dimension The King of The Beach, a Demon King who will plunge the Earth into an unending and eternal Summer Break.

Yes. You read that right. And if after reading that you don’t want to read this book then there’s nothing else I can say.

Well, in fact there is a few more things I can say. Derek Slaton understands that if you want to write a Grindhouse novel then you have to write it in a visual, cinematic style and he certainly does so. It took me a while to get through certain scenes because while I visualized Silky as looking like 1970s Isaac Hayes I kept hearing his dialog in the voice of Katt Williams. I was laughing so hard I kept losing my place and had to go back a page or two to resume reading. That’s how good he is with dialog. Silky, Rose and Kerr all have their own distinctive speech patterns that are easy to follow and never once was I confused as to was talking to whom. Derek Slaton even makes sure that he gives each one of Silky’s Ho’s their moment to shine so that they’re an integral element of the story and not just there for the sexual innuendo (although that certainly don’t hurt.)

He also understands action scenes. I despair at the number of writers who desperately want to write action but have no idea of how to do so. They have to be put together so that a reader can cleanly visualize what is going on and who is hitting/shooting/punching/kicking/whooping ass on or taking it from. Again, Derek Slaton knows how to do this.

Me going on any further would entail me having to describe more about the plot and characters and a lot of the fun of reading SMOOTHEN SILKY: DEMON FIGHTING PIMP derives from you finding it out for yourself who these characters are and how they relate to each other and how they join together to save the world. Reading SMOOTHEN SILKY: DEMON FIGHTING PIMP gave me the same feeling I get when I watch a really good B-Movie and that’s probably the best recommendation I can give it: it’s the best B-Movie I’ve read in quite a while. Enjoy.

You can order your very own copy of SMOOTHEN SILKY: DEMON FIGHTING PIMP here

Grindhouse Chronicles

The Spirit of Wakanda

If you’re among those who saw BLACK PANTHER and loved it…

…and if you didn’t love it I’m not sure we can still be friends. But I digress…

…you’re probably salivating and looking forward to more adventures of King T’Challa and wondering how you’re going to fill your entertainment hours with more of the same. You desperately crave for more fantastic tales of black heroes and heroines to feed your stimulated imagination now that your creative juices are flowing and your soul seeks to enrich itself with legends and stories of heroes and heroines who can stand shoulder to shoulder with T’Challa, Princess Shuri, Nakia, Okoye and M’Baku.

Look no more.

There’s a legion of staggeringly creative black writers and artists that have been working like gubmint mules for years producing just those kinds of stories. Some of their names you know. Charles Saunders. Milton Davis. Balogun Ojetade. Gerald L. Coleman. Valjeanne Jeffers. Jeff Carroll. Nicole Givens Kurtz. Toi Thomas. Alicia MCalla. Thaddeus Howze. Brian W. Parker. Ronald T. Jones. Mshindo Kuumba. Jarvis Sheffield.

Some names you don’t. But that’s okay. There’s two places you should start to learn the names you’re not familiar with.

One is here: Black Science Fiction Society

And the other is here: The State Of Black Science Fiction

So now you don’t have to wait. Because there is more wonder and adventure out there than I think you didn’t know existed. And I envy you the discovery. Wakanda is not just a country. It is not just a warrior spirit and code. It is not just a technology. Although it embraces and celebrates all of these.

Wakanda is also a family of imagination. Because we can dream our future into reality.

And in this…we are all this day and forevermore citizens of Wakanda.

flat,1000x1000,075,f.u2

“Wakanda will no longer watch from the shadows. We cannot. We must not. We will work to be an example of how we, as brothers and sisters on this earth, should treat each other. Now, more than ever, the illusions of division threaten our very existence. We all know the truth: more connects us than separates us. But in times of crisis the wise build bridges, while the foolish build barriers. We must find a way to look after one another, as if we were one single tribe.”

-King T’Challa, Sovereign of Wakanda

Three Examples of New Pulp TODAY

I’m gonna start this off with trying to explain to you the main problem us New Pulp writers have when we’re trying to explain New Pulp to folks who have no idea what Pulp is. Much less New Pulp. See, we go on and on with our explanations of Pulp and what it means to us as writers and what it is as a genre and as a style of writing…

…and then we’ll get the Classic Pulp crowd chiming in with; “Pulp isn’t a genre! It’s the paper the original magazines were printed on!”

peter-cushing-silent-scream-hammer-pcasuk-671

Well, you Classic Pulp guys just hold on. I’ll get to you another time. Believe me. But right now, I’ve got more interesting fish to sauté.

Anyway, we try to explain to The Average Reader Who Is Just Looking For Something Good To Read what New Pulp is. And they will listen most earnestly and patiently and attentively and they will then say; “Okay, I get what you’re saying…but why and how is New Pulp different from just plain ol’ Action Adventure? Or Horror? Or Science Fiction? Why can’t you guys just label what you do as that and get it over with?”

And The Average Reader Who Is Just Looking For Something Good To Read does have a valid point. And before you start with that tired old felgercarb about how you don’t like labels and you don’t see why anything has to be labeled…tell you what we’re gonna do. We’re going to take all the labels off the canned foods in your local supermarket and let you guess what’s inside those cans the next time you go shopping.

 

depositphotos_61287367-stock-photo-silver-metal-food-cans-closeup

Because much as you would like to think otherwise, labelling does have its place. And my feeling is that one reason why it’s so hard to label New Pulp is because over the years there have been so many TV shows, comic books and movies that have adopted the tropes of Classic Pulp that it’s become so ingrained in Pop Culture that most folks don’t even realize they’re watching Pulp. Still don’t believe me? Sit back while I hit you with three examples of New Pulp you watched and enjoyed and didn’t even know was New Pulp. Ready? Okay:

24 (2001-2010): For 8 Seasons we watched Counter Terrorist Unit Special Agent Jack Bauer (Kiefer Sutherland) defend Our Country against supervillains, terrorist attacks and shadow government conspiracies. Each season followed Jack Bauer on a Really Bad Day, each episode taking place in Real Time over the course of one hour. Before each commercial break, a clock would appear on screen to show us how much time had passed and each episode would end with Jack Bauer or another member of the cast in dire peril. You had to come back next week to find out how Jack or whoever got out of whatever death trap they had gotten into.

24

24 is one of the primary examples of New Pulp I love to hold up as it’s the Ultimate Saturday Morning Serial. A Serial was an extended movie broken up into chapter plays which enjoyed their major popularity during the 1930’s and 1940’s. The chapters were shown in movie theaters in 10 or 15 minutes segments before the main double feature. They ended with a Cliffhanger in which the hero or another member of the cast found themselves in dire peril. Sound familiar? 24 quite successfully adapted the Saturday Morning Serial in an innovative way. Sure, the episodes were now an hour long instead of 15 minutes but thanks to terrific writing and acting, they kept us on the end of our seats. And as a character, Jack Bauer has a whole lot in common with both Jimmy Christopher aka Operator #5 and The Spider.

Hudson Hawk: Is the most blatantly Pulp of my three examples and maybe that’s why it was the least successful. I dunno. All I know is that the very first time I saw it in the theater, I think I knew what director Michael Lehmann and screenplay writers Steven E. de Souza and Daniel Waters (based on a story by Bruce Willis and Robert Kraft) were going for. Eddie Hawkins is a master thief known professionally as Hudson Hawk. Upon being released from prison he attempts to go straight but is blackmailed by the CIA, The Mafia, the psychotic Mayflower twins (Richard E. Grant, Sandra Bernhard) and even his own partner-in-crime Tommy Five-Tone (Danny Aiello) into a complicated series of heists to steal the components of the La Machinnia dell’Oro, the greatest invention of Leonardo da Vinci, a machine that can convert lead into gold. The scene where Bruce Willis and Danny Aiello pull off a heist that is perfectly timed to their singing “Swinging on A Star” is one of my favorites in the movie. You can read my review of Hudson Hawk here at The Ferguson Theater.

hudson-hawk-bruce-willis

The Life Aquatic With Steve Zissou (2004): Wes Anderson is not a director that anybody by any stretch of the imagination would associate with Pulp New or Classic. But I’ve watched The Life Aquatic With Steve Zissou four times now and the more I see it, the more I’m convinced it’s a New Pulp Adventure. Bill Murray plays Steve Zissou, an oceanographer/adventurer who sees his best friend and partner eater by a Jaguar Shark, a species of shark that had been previously considered to be mythical. Steve Zissou vows to hunt down and destroy the shark.

walking

Aboard his massive research vessel/home, The Belafonte, Zissou and his eccentric crew, which includes a Brazilian musician who sings David Bowie songs in Portuguese, Anne-Marie Sakowitz who insists on walking around topless and a bunch of college interns from the University of North Alaska he sets out on what may be his last and greatest adventure. The adventure is flavored by Steve having to deal with Ned Plimpton (Owen Wilson) who just may be his illegitimate son and the tagalong reporter Jane-Winslette Richardson (Cate Blanchett) who is attracted to both Steve and Ned.

lifeaquaticstevened

It’s a movie that I consider New Pulp because of Steve Zissou, an aging adventurer who is trying to hold onto his life of adventure even though everybody and everything is telling him he has to conform to the modern world. But Steve believes in a different world. Halfway through the movie it turns into an almost straight out action adventure where Steve and his crew have to dig back into the day when they were badasses in order to track down and take out a band of pirates that have attacked  The Belafonte and taken some of the interns hostages.

Steve Zissou’s crew are just as talented, skilled and eccentric as Doc Savage’s Iron Crew or Buckaroo Banzai’s Hong Kong Cavaliers. And if you have any more doubts about the intention of this movie, check out the end credit scene where Steve Zissou and his crew march to their boat. Wes Anderson himself has said that is a deliberate homage to the Banzai Strut done during the closing credits of “Buckaroo Banzai”

the-life-aquatic-with-steve-zissou-master768

 

The thing all these movies (and TV show) have in common is that there are various elements of Classic Pulp that the creators adapted successfully for modern audiences. Matter of fact, they did them so well that modern audiences have no idea that they’re watching Pulp.

And don’t get me started on how Scandal is a modern-day version of The Avenger and Justice, Inc or how Person of Interest is in a lot of ways like The Shadow…we’ll leave that for next time…